Happiness

Isn't that what we are all after? We look for it in everything we do and in people. It's a butterfly that lands when it feels like it and flies away when you come near it. It teases and it doesn't stay for long. Right? Freud said that human beings can't stay happy long term and that we search for temporarily happiness. I can't stand Freud, but I found myself agreeing to what he said about happiness (note: you'll never hear me agree with him ever again after this post). We can never find happiness that lasts, why is that? Is it because we expect more than what others can give? Is it because we expect too much for such little we put out? Why is it that happiness never stays for long? Is it because we are too busy searching for it that we forget what happiness truly means? What is it about happiness that we search all our lives for when it comes and leaves so easily? Maybe it's that we keep searching for it in all the wrong places that leaves us confuse and we can't seem to find the right path to it. Maybe instead of wasting all of our time looking for happiness we should acknowledge the happiness around us. Or maybe it's this expectation to be happy that keeps us from really being happy. We feed off temporary happiness; one minute someone can do something that makes you so happy, the next it disappears because tears are running down your face. We hope for that temporary happiness to carry us through the bad times and get us to long term happiness. So when we're going this, does it mean happiness is gone or is it simply just hiding underneath? How can you find out? There are so many questions and way too many possible answers, but why waste our time looking for them? We all know that would make life convenient and that's one thing that life's not... convenient.

Well, I don't wanna look for the answers, instead I'll tell you what I realized... I realized that I often go looking for happiness in all the places I know I won't find. I look for it in people I know I can't get more than what I've gotten from them already. And although deep down I know I am looking in all the wrong places, I refused to give up because that's all I've ever known. It's like hitting myself over and over again, but why won't I stop?! I know that I'd feel better once I do, but why won't I? I realized that once it finally hits, it hits hard. It hits like a ton of brick, it stays on your chest, and it just makes you rethink everything. Finally it comes down to searching for this long term happiness in a black hole where I know I'll never get to it or taking the risk of looking for it somewhere else. I realized that when it comes down to it all, it's not about temporary or long term happiness anymore, it's about self happiness. I realized I was so busy looking for long term happiness and feeding off the temporary happiness to keep me going that I lost the meaning happiness. I realized I was not expecting too much nor was I giving too little, I was so into getting to happiness by looking for it in someone that I lost the happiness inside of me. I was focused on one direction and didn't care to look at any other direction to get possibly get to happiness. Once I stop hitting myself and realized that happiness can be long term, it can be long term as long as I find it within myself. I don't wanna be feeding off the temporary happiness to get me by. This time I want the real thing, I want happiness all the time, I don't want to find it in anybody else. I don't want to have to depend on someone else for MY happiness. I'm slowly heading in a new direction and I can honestly say I am happy. He was always there. He enhances my happiness and it is not solely base on him. That's how it should be! I shouldn't have to look so hard for it when it can be easily found through myself with the help of someone true. 

I don't want answers, I'll just take what I've realized and go with it. I do know this, looking for happiness is just exhausting until it finally hits, it's been there all along... it's not far from where you are.<3

Gobble It Up!

Ah... Finally, my favorite time of the year. :) Thanksgiving is tomorrow and boy, did it come fast! I'm a little down knowing Mylo won't be joining us for tomorrow and possibly for Christmas. It kills me to think about her being stuck in Texas and won't be able to come home. :( That's probably the only downfall to this year's holidays. I miss her more than words can describe and it honestly feel like I lost my other half (sigh). I guess this is what happens when we grow up, we go our separate ways, and we try our best. I love you, Mylo! And to all the people who can't be home for the holidays, I hope you'll make the best of it and know that you're loved.

Since it is Thanksgiving tomorrow, here's what I am thankful for...

My wonderful family, especially my loving and supportive parents, my amazing little brothers' ability to keep the smile on my face. I'm thankful for the things they have done and do for me. I couldn't ask for a better family.

My beautiful niece, Skyla May and nephew, Timothy for reminding me how beautiful life really is.

Mylo, who is always there to tell me what I need to hear and always waiting to catch me if I fall. I don't know how I got so lucky to have you in my life, you're like my sister, and I am more than thankful for you!

My loving boyfriend/best friend. Thank you for being my backbone, loving me for me, and for staying with me through it all. You truly are my heart. I love you.

My girls for always being there through the goods and bads.

Herbert. It's been tough, but I can't wait to have him with me all the time.

The little things in life that makes me happy such as, flowers, rain, candles, Christmas music, etc.

A roof over my head, clothes on my back, and shoes on my feet.

To be in school and be able to enjoy my life because some people can't.

Most of all, I am thankful for the one who keeps blessing me... God. Thank you.

Sometimes it's hard to remember what's really important in my life because I let the smallest matter get to me, but taking a step back and looking at my life... I realized I have more than what anyone could ever ask for and that's what I'm thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving! Cherish all that you have, appreciate the ones in your life, and keep counting your blessings!<3

Here I Am

A Beautiful Mess by Jason Mraz will make any girl feel beautiful. :)

Just taking a few minutes to appreciate the things in my life and write down my thoughts…

First, I am so thankful to have what I have in my life and I realized today that not everyone is as lucky as I’ve been and am. I can’t thank God enough for the people, things, and opportunities he’s blessed me with. 

I love my parents even though they treat me like I am 5, literally. I get annoyed that they so badly want the best for me that they don’t see at the time they are pushing me away, but at the end of the day… They’re my parents and I run to them for every single thing possible. I just wish they get that I make smart choices and there’s no way I can mess up my life now… At times I wish they have a little more confidence in me and know that I will always try my hardest not to let them down. I know what’s right and what’s wrong, let me figure it out. I’ll never learn if I didn’t make mistakes… I’m wise because I’ve made many mistakes throughout my life. There’s a big difference between making mistakes and learning from mistakes… I’ve learned and I take that to heart. 

I only have a handful of what I call my true friends and they never cease to amaze me with the words they tell me to make me feel loved and cared for. I am so grateful that I can count on them to be there when I need them. I realized that as you get older you don’t have time to make friends or get to know someone very well like you would be able to in high school. I cherish the ones I have and these are the ones I can truly call my life long friends. 

I also learned that loving someone is always worth the wait. It’s the whole world spinning out of control, but knowing that you have that other person there makes it all worth the while. I learned to never think into it too much and just going with it because the more you think into it, the less sense it makes. Don’t dig for stuff, embrace what is in front of you. Be secure in yourself to know that what you’re showing this other person is real and be happy that they accept you for it all. I learn not to doubt and give up easily. If it’s worth it, fight for it until you can’t anymore. It’s amazing the things people would do for love and the one thing I admire most about people when they’re in love is letting their guard down and just simply trust… Slowly, but surely I’ll get there someday because from now on I am practicing what I’ve been preaching all along.

<3